5. Preparing Yourself for Meetings
Advocacy for a student is informal and involves attending meetings at the school. It is always a good idea to be prepared for meetings and particularly in the event of a formal hearing such as for truancy and special education situations.
How can I be prepared and make the most of meetings?
Make sure you have what you need before you go.
Ask for any relevant documents and/or records before the meeting so you have a chance to read them. Take the time to write down any questions you have. Find out who will be at the meeting, and what their roles are. Ask for certain people to be there if you think they will help get things done. For example, has the counselor been especially helpful to your student? Or does your student’s teacher from last year have good insights into what your student needs? Ask a friend or support person to attend the meeting with you.
Write down your questions and the points you want to make.
Take a little time before the meeting to write down the questions you would like answered. Outline the points you would like to make. Refer to your notes while in a meeting. Even great speakers use notes to keep them on track.
Take notes during meetings and other conversations.
Do not be shy about taking notes during meetings or while you are on the phone or having conversations with school personnel or others. Your notes will later remind you of what happened and when. It is okay to let the conversation slow down while you catch up on your notes. When a conversation is over and you are alone, read over your notes and see if you missed anything. Check to see if you can read your own writing. Fill in your notes if you have missed things. Keep the notes in your student’s education file.
If you do not get a chance to take notes during the conversation or meeting, be sure to write things down right after the meeting when the discussion is still fresh in your mind.
Make sure you get a chance to be heard.
You may have one perspective about the purpose of a meeting, and school district personnel may have another. Listen and learn what the school’s issues are. But do not forget to say what you think is important.
Silence is okay, take a deep breath.
A lot of us have plenty to learn from cultures in which the norm is to think before talking.
You will find that a few moments of silence can yield nuggets of insight. Remind yourself that it is fine, and even good, to pause a moment before answering a question.
Take a second and a deep breath before responding.
A moment of silence during the conversation can give you time to collect your thoughts. Let the empty air just hang there for a minute, and it will give you a chance to make a bigger impact because what you ultimately say will likely be clearer.
What is the worst thing that can happen? The other person might jump in and say something. Often, they will clarify a position or even concede a point because you haven’t immediately reacted. Or, sometimes, after not getting an immediate response, a person could say, “Do you understand what I said?” Your response can be as simple as, “Yes, I am just taking a minute to think about it before I respond.”
Set concrete goals and assign tasks during meetings.
A problem will get resolved only if people agree to start acting on it. Figure out as a group what tasks need to be done, who should do the tasks, and a time by which the tasks will be done.
Take a break.
Do not sign papers or agree to a resolution of the issue unless you feel it is the right thing. Ask to take a break. Tell the people at the meeting that you would like to think things over for a few minutes, overnight, or for a week. If you are thinking about waiting for more than a day, consider what your student loses by delaying things, and balance those concerns against how helpful it might be to have the time to think things through or talk with someone else.
Re-cap at the end of a meeting.
Clarify what you have discussed using the notes you have taken. Make sure everyone is aware of what they are supposed to do next. If it makes sense, set a time to meet again before the meeting ends.
Make a follow-up call to ensure things are getting done.
If someone has promised to get something done by a certain date, call them and ask if it has been done. There may be a good reason for not accomplishing a task. But by following up, you make sure your priority has not been lost. Be sure to follow through on tasks you said you would take care of yourself.
An example of making sure you are being heard
A student recently moved into a district. His parent called a meeting with the school to talk about enrollment and transition into the new district. But the school employee starts out on a different topic entirely. Read how the parent handles it:
School employee: “As you know, we have concerns about Calvin’s behavior. We’ve set times for evaluation and have scheduled an appointment for him to see a psychologist. We need to get a consent form signed and make sure Calvin is able to make these appointments. Let’s talk about scheduling an IEP meeting next time we get together.”
Parent: “I’m glad you have identified that Calvin needs an evaluation and are moving forward on that. My concern is that the school hasn’t let him start classes since we moved into your district three weeks ago. He needs to start school right away. Getting him into school is the most important thing, and I would like to resolve that issue today.”